My Why-When Passion Turns Into Profession

Becky • July 28, 2017

Everyone has a story. An experience in your life that has tremendous influence on who you are, how you think and what you do. It can completely change the direction you thought you were heading in life. This is my story, “My Why” I am so passionate about working with athletes and mental health.

It was my sophomore year in volleyball at the University of South Dakota and we were coming off of one of the most successful seasons in school history. I was excited for the new recruits; I knew USD was going to do big things that year. One recruit in particular was an energetic and bubbly girl from small town Wyoming; her brother was on the football team at USD and a good friend of mine. He nervously laughed when he told me to “be nice to my sister,” but I knew he was serious. He understands the importance of feeling connected to a new team. Coach asked me to take her under my wing because she would be the only other south paw on the team, and would be my back up on the right side.

I connected with McKenzie right away, she was easy to like. It helped that she was talented and motivated in volleyball. Pre-season was well underway and we were becoming a close team; three practices a day for a month before any other students arrived on campus forced us to be close. We only had each other; sweating, crying, cussing, bonding together. Finally, the first tournament came; no longer scrimmaging against ourselves, it was time to put our hard work to the test. We were heading to Fargo, North Dakota to play against some of the best competition in our conference and I felt more confident than ever. The ride up there was uneventful; but to this day I vividly remember the seating arrangement on the van, the discussions between teammates, and sharing some Gatorade with McKenzie.

We had our light practice the night before competition in the Fargo gym to prepare for the following days matches. I felt good; the team looked focused, and it was hard to hold back the intensity in our walk through. McKenzie wasn’t her bubbly self. She kept rubbing her neck and saying that she felt “weird.” “I don’t know how else to explain it Becky; I just don’t feel right.” I shrugged it off as freshman jitters and told her she’d be okay.

The next morning, we all loaded up in the van, except McKenzie. Our trainer said she wasn’t feeling well and was going to stay back from the morning game. It didn’t feel right; but I was so focused on the game that I didn’t give it much more thought. A time-out was called during the game and it was my first glimpse into the reality of the situation. We weren’t greeted by our Head Coach, but rather, our grad assistant, Kam, who told us that Coach had to leave. She said not to worry and to re-focus mentally on the game. Afterward, our excitement of the win, turned dark when we looked at Kam’s face. “You all need to pray for McKenzie.” It felt surreal. I had so many emotions; scared, worried, but mostly confused. We held hands and prayed as a team; none of us believing it could really be that bad. What could happen to a healthy, 19-year-old athlete?

The rest of the night was a blur. I remember bits and pieces of waiting with my team in the hotel room to find out some answers about what was happening, but no one had any. Our grad assistants tried to keep us distracted with candy, pop, and junk food. I remember thinking it was an odd choice considering how much we had just conditioned in pre-season.

Finally, Coach returned to the room, I immediately knew it was bad. The look on his face as we connected eyes told me that things were not going to be the same. I’ll never forget his words. “You all know McKenzie as a fighter, and she was…” That’s all I heard. Was? As in past tense? My sense of security and invincibility was crushed in that sentence.

As details began to surface; we learned that McKenzie passed away from Meningococcal Meningitis. A disease that I knew nothing about at the time other than that it was highly contagious and we needed to get to the hospital immediately to take a preventative pill. A sleepless night followed into day as we began our long trip back to South Dakota; it felt like an eternity. I was lost in my thoughts and staring at the road; randomly hearing teammates break out into tears. I felt numb. It was an awful feeling to be captive to your mind and your emotions. To this day, I cannot explain the sense of responsibility I felt in losing McKenzie.

We were given time off to spend with our families before trying to get back to our “new normal.” Practices and games started up again, but it felt very different, like our team was incomplete; and it was. How do I move past this when everything I do, everybody I see reminds me of an awful event I’d like to forget? I didn’t know this then but I became depressed. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate, and for the first time in my life I didn’t want to play the sport that I loved. I just wanted to isolate myself and try to figure out how to get McKenzie back.

I wasn’t alone. The whole team was struggling. We hadn’t won a game since losing McKenzie and I could see the struggle in Coach’s face when he tried to figure out a balance in how hard he could push us and how much he needed to comfort us. He eventually brought in a Sports Psychologist who spoke with us and provided some skills to utilize. I remember being fascinated with her job at that time.

For my purposes, I’d love to say that meeting with this Sports Psychologist changed everything and helped me move past my grief, but it didn’t. It was a piece of my recovery; the most crucial piece came from McKenzie herself.

A few months after losing McKenzie, I had a dream unlike any other I’ve had. In this dream our trip to Fargo was recreated in detailed perfection. From the seating arrangement on the van, to the color of the Gatorade. I remember laughing and telling stories with the team, and then slowly, one by one, they started to disappear. I soon realized that it was only McKenzie and I left on the van and I knew what was about to happen. I buried my head in my hands and started to cry. McKenzie moved to my seat and wrapped her arms around me. She rocked with me back and forth and repeated, “I’m fine Becky, I really am. I’m okay. You need to move on.”

I woke up that morning and for the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of happiness and a sense of closure. I felt like I was given permission to move forward. I continued the healing process with family, friends, and most importantly, with the team that holds an unbreakable bond by experiencing this loss together. I made it through stronger, wiser, and better equipped to handle adversity.

This tragic event gave me firsthand experience the barriers mental health can forcefully impose in competition and in life. Thoughts and feelings can be foreign, confusing and uncontrollable no matter how hard you try to “push through.” Some of these barriers are short-lived and circumstantial, while others are chronic and debilitating. This experience helped shape my passion, and my passion has become my profession. To help those experiencing the pain and confusion of mental blocks and guide them in overcoming these barriers successfully, regardless of the degree of severity.

If you are interested in learning more about McKenzie, or Meningococcal Meningitis, her family started a non-profit foundation to educate on the disease and provide funds to those that cannot afford to participate in the state vaccination program. You can check out their website at http://www.themckenziefoundation.org

~In Loving Memory of McKenzie Carter Hartwig #8~

Audience of One: How Faith in God Helps Athletes Manage Pressure

By Becky Meline • September 10, 2025
By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP One of my favorite topics to discuss with my athletes is the connection between their performance, and their relationship with God. I have found that those who lean on their faith and use God’s strength in their journey of athletics tend to be less stressed and happier knowing that they are not alone in pressure moments. Faith is never something I push on my athletes, if it’s already there GREAT! We build on it. If it’s not, I just encourage them to be curious about it. Every athlete knows the feeling—the nerves before a big game, the pressure to perform, the expectations from coaches, teammates, and even themselves. Sports bring incredible highs, but they can also bring crushing stress. In those moments, it can feel like your entire worth is tied to the scoreboard. But the truth is, your identity is found in something far greater than a win or loss: your relationship with God. Faith offers a foundation that no missed shot or bad game can shake. When you invite God into your athletic journey, the pressure doesn’t disappear, but it transforms. Instead of feeling like you carry the weight of performance on your shoulders, you can hand that weight to Him. Play for an Audience of One It’s easy to feel pressure when you think everyone is watching and judging your every move. God has given you spiritual gifts and every time you compete, practice, stand as a leader—God smiles. I encourage my athletes to shift their mindset to play for God—your true “Audience of One”—it changes everything. Your effortbecomes an act of worship, and the outcome becomes less important than the heart you bring. Many of my athletes choose to write on their tape job or wrist “Audience of One” as a reminder. Remember Who You Are in Christ The world measures success by stats and records, but God doesn’t. Your value is not defined by points scored, minutes played, or trophies earned. You are already chosen, loved, and enough because of Him. Knowing that frees you from tying your identity to your performance. Use Prayer as Your Pre-Game Routine Many athletes warm up their bodies before a game. Why not warm up your spirit too? A simple prayer before stepping on the court, field, or track can ground you: “Lord, give me peace. Help me use the gifts You’ve given me for Your glory. Win or lose, may I honor You.” Prayer calms nerves, centers your mind, and reminds you you’re not alone out there. Trust God With the Outcome Pressure often comes from fear—fear of losing, making mistakes, or letting people down. Faith helps you release that fear. You can trust that God already has a plan for your life, and one game will not make or break it. Success isn’t always about the scoreboard; sometimes it’s about perseverance, character, and growth. Some of the biggest lessons I have learned in my own athletic journey have come through pain and heart break. It’s hard to see any benefit in the moment--but I lean on a phrase I heard from on a pastor at our University church service after one of my hardest week in college. He said, “Faith is believing in advance, what will only make sense in reverse.” I had to trust that this really difficult experience was not wasted and that it will help me somehow in the future. I have no doubt God sent that message to me and I have found this to be true in all of my hard times. Find a phrase or scripture to lean on in hard times. Lean on Scripture in Tough Moments When doubt or pressure creeps in, Scripture becomes your fuel. Verses like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13) or “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7) are reminders that God is with you in every challenge. Sports are a gift, but they were never meant to define you. By anchoring your heart in God, you can step into competition with confidence, freedom, and peace. Pressure will come, but faith transforms it into purpose. Play hard, compete with joy, and remember—you’re already victorious in Him.

Finding Balance: Managing the Pressures of Being a Student-Athlete

August 27, 2025
By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP If you’ve ever sprinted from practice to a late-night study session, or sat in class still sore from the game the night before, you know the reality of being a student-athlete. It’s not just about making the winning play or acing the test—it’s about doing both, often on the same day. The pressure is real. But here’s the thing: the very challenges you face are also what make you stronger, more resilient, and more capable than you might realize. The Pressure of Game Day Picture this: it’s the night before the big game. Your stomach is tied in knots, and you can’t shut off the “what ifs.” What if I mess up? What if I let my team down? What if I’m not good enough? Every athlete has felt that way. The best learn to shift the pressure into power. Instead of fearing those nerves, they reframe them as fuel. That nervous energy is your body’s way of saying, “I’m ready.” When the whistle blows or the ball is served, focus on just one moment at a time. Not the score, not the outcome—just the play in front of you. Some athletes use music, some use breathing, some use a special pre-game routine. Whatever grounds you, lean on it. Pressure doesn’t have to crush you—it can sharpen you. Balancing the Books and the Ball Of course, the challenge isn’t only on the field. It’s also in the classroom. Imagine finishing an away game late at night and realizing you still have an essay due the next day. That’s the balancing act of a student-athlete: your sport demands so much, but so does school. Here’s where discipline becomes your greatest strength. A planner or calendar might not seem exciting, but it’s your lifeline. Breaking big assignments into smaller steps and using pockets of time—like studying on the bus or reviewing flashcards between classes—helps you stay ahead instead of drowning in deadlines. And don’t forget: teachers and coaches are human too. If you communicate with them early, most will respect the effort you’re putting in. You don’t have to carry it all alone. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Grind It’s easy to feel like your identity is just “the athlete” or “the student.” But you are more than your GPA and more than your stats. Make time to laugh with friends, enjoy hobbies, or simply rest. Sleep, nutrition, and mental recovery are not luxuries—they’re essentials. One day you’ll look back and realize the juggling act of being a student-athlete prepared you for so much more than sports or school. It taught you grit. It taught you balance. It taught you how to keep moving forward even when life is packed with pressure. Final Word Being a student-athlete isn’t easy. You’ll have days where the weight feels too heavy. But remember: pressure is a privilege. It means people believe in you. It means you’ve worked hard enough to be trusted with responsibility. And when you learn to handle that pressure—both on the field and in the classroom—you’ll carry those lessons with you for the rest of your life.
Child sitting, using a tablet, on a black couch. Blue clothing, light skin, various app icons on the screen.

A Parent’s Guide to Setting Limits on Social Media

August 27, 2025
By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP Social media is a huge part of today’s world. Apps like Snapchat, TikTok, and Instagram are where many kids connect with friends, share their lives, and explore trends. But as a parent, it’s normal to wonder: When is the right time to let my child start using these apps? How do I keep them safe while still respecting their growing independence? Here are some practical tips to help you set healthy boundaries and keep tabs on your child’s social media use. 1. Know the Platforms Before You Say Yes Before allowing your child on any app, take time to learn how it works. Create your own account, explore the settings, and understand the privacy controls. Each app has unique features: Snapchat – Messages and pictures disappear quickly, making it harder for parents to track. TikTok – Highly engaging, with a mix of entertainment, trends, and sometimes inappropriate content. Instagram & Others – Visual-heavy platforms where likes and follows can impact self-esteem. When you know the app, you’ll be better prepared to set realistic rules. 2. Consider Age and Maturity, Not Just Rules Most platforms set their minimum age at 13 (due to U.S. privacy laws), but maturity matters more than the number. Ask yourself: Can my child follow family rules without constant reminders? Do they handle disappointment and conflict appropriately? Are they open to talking with me about uncomfortable situations? If the answer is “not yet,” it may be best to wait a little longer before granting access. 3. Start with Training Wheels When you do allow access, treat it like getting a driver’s license: start with supervision. Some ways to do this include: Require that you know their passwords at first. Keep accounts private, approving only friends they know in real life. Allow limited time online (e.g., 30–60 minutes per day). Encourage them to use social media in shared family spaces, not behind closed doors. 4. Use Built-In Parental Controls and Monitoring Tools Most apps now have parental controls or “Family Pairing” features. For example: TikTok has Family Pairing, allowing you to set screen time limits, filter content, and restrict direct messages. Snapchat offers Family Center, which lets you see who your child is friends with and who they’re messaging. iPhone/Android devices have built-in screen time management to limit overall app use. These tools don’t replace conversation but can support the boundaries you’ve set. 5. Have Ongoing Conversations (Not Just Rules) Checking in isn’t about snooping — it’s about teaching. Ask questions like: “What’s your favorite thing about TikTok right now?” “Have you seen anything online that made you uncomfortable?” “How do you decide who to follow or accept as a friend?” By talking openly and often, your child learns to see you as a safe person to come to if something goes wrong online. 6. Model Healthy Social Media Habits Kids notice how parents use technology. If they see you scrolling at the dinner table or checking notifications late at night, they’ll take that as “normal.” Show them balance by: Putting your phone down during family time. Setting your own screen time limits. Talking about how you choose what to share (and what to keep private). 7. Focus on Trust, Not Just Control Ultimately, your goal isn’t to monitor your child forever — it’s to help them build the skills to use social media responsibly on their own. Start with close supervision, gradually loosen restrictions as they show responsibility, and always keep the door open for honest conversation. Final Thought There’s no one “right” age to allow Snapchat, TikTok, or Instagram. The right time depends on your child’s maturity, your family’s values, and your willingness to stay engaged in their online world. With clear limits, open conversations, and ongoing guidance, you can help your child navigate social media safely and confidently.
Football player in green uniform running with the ball, other player in red close behind.

Tips to Overcome Self-Doubt as an Athlete

August 27, 2025
By: Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP Every athlete—no matter how talented—faces moments of self-doubt. Questions like “Am I good enough?” or “Do I really belong on this team?” can creep in before a big game, after a mistake, or when comparing yourself to teammates. The truth is: self-doubt is normal. What matters most is how you respond to it. Building the right mindset and tools can help you move through those doubts and refocus on what you can control. Here are some practical strategies for athletes to handle self-doubt and step confidently into their role on the team: 1. Shift Your Focus from Comparison to Growth It’s easy to compare yourself to teammates or opponents, but comparison often fuels insecurity. Instead, track your own growth. Ask yourself: “Am I improving from last week? Last season?” Keep a training journal where you write down small wins. Focusing on personal progress helps you recognize that you belong because you’re committed to growth, not because you’re perfect. 2. Reframe the “Am I Good Enough?” Question Instead of asking “Am I good enough?” try asking: “What can I do today to get 1% better?” “How can I help my team right now?” This shift turns self-doubt into action. It keeps you grounded in effort and learning, not in judgment. 3. Use Positive Self-Talk What you say to yourself matters. Doubt often comes with a harsh inner voice. Challenge that voice by creating a short, empowering phrase you can repeat during tough moments, such as: “I’ve trained for this.” “I bring value to this team.” “One play doesn’t define me.” Athletes who consistently practice positive self-talk train their minds just like they train their bodies. 4. Lean Into the Team Mindset Remember—you’re not on your team by accident. Coaches chose you for a reason. Instead of focusing on where you rank compared to others, think about what you add: hustle, energy, encouragement, a specific skill set. Belonging isn’t about being perfect; it’s about contributing to the bigger picture. 5. Normalize Mistakes Self-doubt often spikes after a missed shot, an error, or a bad game. But mistakes are part of being an athlete. Use them as fuel to learn instead of proof that you don’t belong. A powerful reframe: “Mistakes mean I’m pushing my limits.” “Every athlete—even the best—has bad games. 6. Develop a Pre-Performance Routine Having a routine before practice or competition can anchor you when doubts rise. This could include deep breathing, listening to music, visualizing your role, or using your positive affirmation. A consistent routine tells your body and mind: “I’m ready.” 7. Talk About It Many athletes think they’re the only ones struggling with self-doubt, but that’s rarely true. Opening up to a coach, teammate, or sports counselor can help you realize you’re not alone. Sometimes, simply naming your doubt makes it lose its power. Final Takeaway Self-doubt doesn’t mean you don’t belong—it means you care. The question isn’t whether you’re “good enough.” The real question is: Are you willing to keep showing up, learning, and growing? The answer to that is already yes. Becky Meline, LIMHP MGCP Licensed Clinician & Certified Performance Coach Focus Therapy & Performance Coaching 402.513.4416

I Hate My Body and I’m Dreading Summer: 3 Things You Can Do To Positively Impact Your Relationship With Your Body

By Becky • June 26, 2023
By Sam Cleveland, NCC, PLMHP Summer, the one thing that students look forward to, to escape the classroom. For some summer is time to relax, have fun, continue to play sports, and take vacations. For others, summer can be a dreaded time of the year because of the “summer body” expectation that takes over. The […] The post I Hate My Body and I’m Dreading Summer: 3 Things You Can Do To Positively Impact Your Relationship With Your Body appeared first on Focus Therapy.

Success Made In The Summer

By Becky • May 23, 2023
By: Stef McAlpin, PLMHP My dad always taught me that athletes are made in the summer. I, as well as many others, believed in this. It isn’t lost on me years later that he was right. Those words have continued to linger, not ever far from my thoughts. Summer was a time to practice and […] The post Success Made In The Summer appeared first on Focus Therapy.

Modernized Therapy

By Becky • May 3, 2023
By Samantha Cleveland PLMHP, NCC   Our world is constantly evolving, and it seems like each year so much growth is happening in the world of technology. Throughout the pandemic, this came in handy. Students moved to online school, a lot of jobs became remote, and how we received physical and mental health services changed. […] The post Modernized Therapy appeared first on Focus Therapy.

June 15 – Adversity or Opportunity for the Class of 2024

By Becky • June 9, 2022
By Tim Bennett, MGCP Over the past several months, I have been slammed with requests for mental performance coaching sessions regarding the NCAA recruiting process and its collateral damage on confidence, expectations, and by extension on-field/court performance. June 15 is right around the corner. For the class of 2024, you all know what this means. […] The post June 15 – Adversity or Opportunity for the Class of 2024 appeared first on Focus Therapy.

Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part Two

By Becky • April 27, 2022
By: Tim Bennett, MGCP Mental Toughness vs. Mental Resilience, Part II Now that we know what mental toughness is, what is looks like, and how to develop it, let us now talk about mental resilience.  So then what is mental resilience? It is defined as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, […] The post Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part Two appeared first on Focus Therapy.

Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part One

By Becky • April 27, 2022
By: Tim Bennett, MGCP There is a lot of information about mental toughness and mental resilience.  They often times get confused.  This is a two part blog about each of those respectively and their similarities and differences. Mental Toughness vs. Mental Resilience – Part I What’s better? Every coach wants mentally tough players. Do they […] The post Mental Toughness, Mental Resilience and SISU: Part One appeared first on Focus Therapy.